Monday, December 30, 2013

2013 Review.

2013 was quite the year!

As some of you might know, 2012 was one of my harder years. So I was welcoming 2013 with open arms! Hopeful for the future. A lot of things in the beginning of 2013 didn't go the way I was expecting at all (i.e. wanting to transfer schools but not getting accepted & trying to get into the BFA at USU and not getting accepted)

I also had decided to get through a problem that I had been keeping a secret for 7+ years. 
That was a huge one and I'm so glad I'm getting help for it now.

I feel like I was constantly put into situations this past year that are preparing me for what's to come in 2014. It just took me a while to realize that when I was in the moment. 

Don't you love looking back at the decisions you make and thinking to yourself "Oh! So that's why that happened" or "Thank God I made that decision even though it was the hardest thing in my life!"? I had nice handful of those in this past year that I am SO GRATEFUL for. 

This past year I've also learned the power of being a positive person. I believe that saying what you want and thinking about it really does make it come to be! I've had a lot of small things happen purely because I didn't drown myself in negativity like the way I used to. Granted, I'm still pretty bad at trying to stay positive ALL THE TIME but for a lot of the big things I really try my hardest! 

I finally let go of a lot of things that were holding me back for the LONGEST TIME. I've never felt better. 

I also met SO MANY amazing people in the past year that I will probably never forget. Each one of them have impacted my life for the better and I know great things are going to come in the future because of it. 

There are times I feel like I put myself down when things aren't going the way I planned it out in my head. I'm sure we all do that. But for the most part I'm so happy with WHO I AM. I love every detail about my life, even the hard parts.

& Let's get real. Everyone loves a good Caitlin story about how something didn't work out. Because it's 10x more funny when I tell that story with all my crazy 'what I was thinking in that moment' inputs. That, and I'm super dramatic when I tell stories. So these tough spots that I'm trying to get through now, are just a funny story that I'll tell to my family and friends later. 

God really does love and care about me (and everyone)... and it took me a while to fully grasp that when I was going through tough times. I know he has a plan for me and it's just working its way through right to the precise seconds. 

All I can say about 2013 is, bravo. You did me well. 

And guess what everyone? I have a really good feeling about what's to come in 2014.
You excited?! Because I sure am! 

Until the next post :) 





Tuesday, December 24, 2013

October&Novemeber Positivity Blog!!

Mmkay. 

I'm terrible. Let's just say October and November just RAN AWAY FROM ME. It came and was gone in a blink of an eye... 
I thought about what I could say for my positivity blog post... and nothing SUPER inspirational came! 

BUT
Let's just say that I KNOW that being positive works. First hand. 

In the beginning of the school year I was talking to my roommate Cami in her room. I told her point blank that I was going to have a date by the time 'pumpkin carving date season' comes around. I didn't say maybe or hopefully, I said it was going to happen. I didn't know how or had any idea who but I knew it was going to happen. 

October rolled around... and then the end of October rolled around. And still nothing. I was starting to get worried that it was not going to happen, but whenever I thought like that I would say "NO! It's going to happen.. I still got a time! A week and a half left!" 

And low and behold... I had a pumpkin date! True story.



My positivity is being put to the ultimate test right now and will be during these last two semesters. But now that I know that saying things that you want verbally and feeling the joy in having it when you get it.. it makes it worth doing! Even when its hard.




Monday, September 30, 2013

September's Positivity Blog/My Week Detox

So. 

Let me get straight to it and say... deactivating my Facebook for the past week has been absolutely fantastic. I honestly was thinking about going for longer.

Before I start I just want to say that Facebook is not a bad thing. Or any social network, really. Just a person using it the wrong way makes it not too great. 

Honestly, me being curious was not the reason I reactivated it, instead of going longer. It was my love for free music on Spotify (which can only be accessed with a ACTIVE Facebook account). That and I went on a photo shoot and wanted to upload some pictures...... guilty. 

Here's basically how my week went:
Saturday - going through major withdrawls
Sunday - some withdrawls
M,T,W,TH,F - didn't even mind 

It was weird! By the end of the week I did not even want to reactivate. I honestly will probably be deactivating in the next few days again to try not getting on Facebook for even longer and see how my life goes... because honestly, I have not been thrilled having it back. I spend way too much time on that stupid thing.

Let's be honest, I think I really need to think about who's actually there for me and who really doesn't care. I need to differentiate between who are my REAL friends and who are just the people that belong in my unreal virtual world. If that means going on another purge to get rid of the people that I really don't even talk to and probably never will again then I'll do just that. 

Honestly, the phrase 'out of sight, out of mind' really does apply to me. 

Anyways. This test to see if my happiness level changed was a success and I probably would have been even more happy if I had held up longer.... So I just know that to live a happy life I need to stop comparing my happiness level to others. I need to stop wishing I was more fun, more photogenic, more smart, more spontaneous etc. I need to be happy with the friends I have and how I choose to spend my few college years with them. I don't want to remember these days as weekends spend creeping on Facebook. 

Things I did this week instead of wasting time on FB:

Railroad track photo shoot


Went with roommate to find weeds in the rain

Sister Dalton at Religion in Life

Made a delicious Chicken White Rice and Bacon Soup

5th wheeled a Aggie Baseball game! 



Had a campfire at Tony's Grove

Got pranked. Moved the fridge from the living room back to the kitchen



& More photo shoot fun :)

Until the next post




Friday, September 20, 2013

Facebook is Seriously Ruining Me

This is going to be the most hypocritical post I've ever done because I am the definition of a FB junkie/addict.

But I just wanted to post about how FB, Twitter, Instagram, etc; is seriously making us more depressed than happy. 
How is it that we can spend countless hours on these social networks instead of actually going out and having REAL social interactions with people? 

We are seriously living in such a virtual world it's ridiculous. People are meeting people in this world, not in person anymore, oh no, that'd be too easy, but in this unreal world of FB, Twitter, and Instagram! Instead of actually calling people to check up on their lives at a more personal level we decide to go do that from the comfort of our bedrooms on our laptops or while we're waiting in line at the taco stand from our phones because we have that good 'ol Facebook app. We are living in this virtual world where we don't actually have to talk to people in order to know what's going on in their lives and it's driving me insane. 

I feel like nowadays people have to always update us on how in love they are or how exciting their weekend was to prove that they are actually living life. But something came to me yesterday. If you are actually enjoying life and living it, why do you feel the need to have to prove it on Instagram or Facebook. If your significant other really does know how much you love them why post it on FB? Things like that, to me, should be private and more special... not flaunted all around to a point where it drives everyone else insane. 

My least favorite line on FB or Insta "So in love with this xyz! One month down, eternity to go!" ...... Shahhhht uuuup. We get it you're still in love after one month, and I'm truly happy that you are because if you weren't after one month I'd be really worried about the rest of eternity. Maybe instead, do that line after 25 years of marriage.. that seems like more of a success and something worth bragging about to me.  

& is it just me or do I feel like people are trying hard to one-up how exciting their lives are and use FB and Instagram as their way to do just that? I know I purposefully go and do something to make my life seem more interesting than it normally is. How lame is that. 

Honestly, my parents were even talking to me about this, Facebook and all these other social networks do nothing but force us to compare how well our lives are going to others. I'm seriously so tired of logging on and seeing 'Aw she's engaged after 2 months awesome! What am I doing wrong?!' or 'Aw he spent his Saturday helping the elderly? Cool. He's such a great person and I've just been sitting here on FB or checking my Instagram every 2 hours'. It does nothing but make me feel inadequate and not exciting even when I do post 50 pictures from my week. 

We live in a virtual world where instead of having real social interactions, we avoid them. 

I'm going to delete my Facebook account for one week and compare my happiness level to how it is today. & let me tell you I've had so many excuses of why I shouldn't delete it that went along the lines of "Oh man, what if someone wants to add me this week and can't find me!" Or "What if something really exciting happens in someones life and I miss it!" Do you see how sad that is? I have an idea Caitlin, why don't you just shoot them a text or a phone call to get updates and actually talk to them. That's the way it used to be done. And if someone wants to 'add me' to just creep on my pictures and never EVER talk to me than that's not really missing out on that much I feel. 

How sad is it that this is so hard for me to do since I've become such an addict towards it. But I really need to try. So if you need me. Shoot me a text. If you don't have my number... we probably weren't that tight anyway. 

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

9/11

It's been 12 years. 
& I have never actually written down my personal experience on that day other than something I wrote in my journal when I was 9. 


12 years ago today, only 9 days after I had just turned 9, I was in my 4th grade class doing a writing assignment. My principle comes on the intercom and announces that there was going to be an early release in school that day and to please not turn on any TV's. As kids, our initial reaction was 'School's out early?! Sweet!'. It didn't take long to realize how serious the situation really was. I remember my classmates being called out one by one by a person from the main office telling them that their parents were there early to get them. I was starting to get worried. I was hoping that my mom heard that school was getting out early and that she would hopefully be there to get me too. When almost half the class had already left because their parents came, my mom finally came and got me. I remember grabbing my Winnie the Pooh and Tiger lunch box and leaving my class to find my mom looking worried. I asked her what was going on and as she was walking she told me that two planes crashed into the World Trade Center. I had absolutely no idea what that was. We walked out of the school and I remember looking up at the sky... it was so blue. Just like the sky in New York. As I looked up I saw two army jet planes fly over the school. I got really scared when I saw that. Back then I had no idea where they were going, but now I know they were probably headed to DC because of the Pentagon.  

I remember getting home and I can't remember if my dad was already there or if he got home a little after me but I do have a clear memory of him sitting there watching the TV and me asking him if he were happy or sad. Now, before you think I was a dumb 9 year old asking a stupid question, I need to tell you why I asked. For some reason I used to ask my dad if he were happy or sad random times. I don't know why I did.. I think I did it because it made me happy to know everything was alright. The thing about my dad though, he would ALWAYS answer 'I'M HAPPY! :)' every single time. Now, because I saw how concerned he was, it got me really worried. Everything I saw happening on the TV was scaring me a lot. So I asked him that because his normal answer was 'I'M HAPPY' which would mean everything was alright. For the first time ever, my dad said in a  very serious voice almost a little of a yell 'No, I'm not happy! All these innocent people are loosing their lives!'. That hit me VERY hard that day. For the first time I realized how serious the situation was and how the world isn't always going to be a good/and happy place. 

I remember running down to the basement after he said that and turning on the TV down there. Every. Single. Channel had the towers on it. Replaying the crash and the fall. I finally found the ONE channel that wasn't playing it and it was PBS kids. I stayed down their until the early evening. 

I remember our phone ringing a lot that day from family making sure my dad was alright because they knew how he worked in DC. I remember being absolutely terrified for the next week or so if I ever heard a plane flying over the house. 

Till this day, I really have been scared of flying.. and 9/11 is a pretty big chunk of why I am. 
I remember when I went to NYC when I was 13 or my uncle was in the taxi cab with us and he wanted us to drive by Ground Zero. I had no desire to go there at all. The memory of it all just freaked me out. We did drive by it and I felt very sad. 

Finally, this past summer I went to NYC. It was spur of the moment for me because I wasn't sure if I wanted to do a day trip. My sister's friend Matt who was visiting really wanted to go though, and he also really wanted to see the new 9/11 memorial. I wasn't really gun ho about going... because like many other people, that day really effected me. Especially being so young. But in my head I thought about how I should since I was there. So we got tickets online and went. 

When we got off the subway, it was right in front of that church that did not fall that day. I remember seeing that church in pictures but now I was standing in front of it. I turned to my right and looked up imagining what those two towers must have looked like. We then found the memorial entrance, went through security, then proceeded to walk into the memorial. 

That memorial is one of the most beautifully designed memorials I have ever seen. I remember just looking and thinking of what it must of been like. I kept looking up and imagining the towers. 


When I saw 'One World Trade Center' it reminded me of how at the end of the day, we are one nation and in horrifying times like this we can come together and start anew.. never forgetting our past. 

It's hard to believe it's been twelve years since that terrifying day. But now that I'm 21, and faced my fear to go to that spot where those innocent lives were lost, I can look back and truly understand, respect, and honor those people whose names were written on that memorial that lost their lives that day. It's crazy to think that there were some children there at the memorial who weren't even alive when this happened. But it is still something everyone needs to remember and never forget. 

God Bless. 




Sunday, September 1, 2013

August's Positivity Blog

I was actually going to stop doing these blog posts... I was sick of it because I didn't feel like anything was changing (positive I know). But, then I realized these posts are the only real thing that I feel like is going on consistently in my life.. 

This school year is going to be a very big adjustment. That's the easiest way of putting it.

Let's just say I never imagined my senior year of college playing out this way AT ALL. But hey. 

I've realized what helps keep me more positive! One thing I noticed is that if something is out of sight, it is out of mind for me. I'm more happy and obnoxious when I'm not giving myself constant updates on everyone elses wonderful lives. 

One thing I noticed is I think Facebook really makes people more sad that happy. My dad told me that's what he read somewhere at least. I can see it too. The more I compare my life to others, the more I get negative. That needs to stop. 

Oh. One last thing. I've never felt more peaceful than when I was sitting in front of the temple last night. The night was perfect. I felt so much peace literally just sitting outside of the building. I didn't want to leave because I felt like I was home when home is really far away for me. 

Anyways.. 

Until the next post, as always. 

Saturday, August 3, 2013

July's Positivity Blog

Something interesting happened this month. 
Nothing like HUGE, just an observation. 

So for the past two months I have been scheduled to work on Sundays even though since day one I try and remind them that is the ONLY day I cannot work. My reminders were ignored of course.

Just this past Sunday, I walked in with a bad attitude. A negative one if you may. I was not happy to be there on yet ANOTHER Sunday while all these mothers were being rushy and a little rude at the cash register. But something came over me while I was ringing up a woman who was buying 30+ items. I decided to smile. Once she saw me smiling at her, her attitude changed from seeing me as just another employee to someone she could casually talk to. After this woman I decided to keep smiling and holding on to this good attitude scheme. Low and behold the more happy I looked toward the customers, the more polite they were to me. The rest of my Sunday workday went well. 

It's funny how you being a positive person can change a negative atmosphere around you. I never even realized how quickly a positive atmosphere can come. You just have to allow it first. Now I'm not saying there isn't always going to be that occasional rude person that can ruin this mood high, but I'm learning how to brush the small things off. 

This month was, yet again, difficult. 
A LOT of the things I had planned for the summer just did a swan dive into the fail pool. I keep asking myself 'WHY ARE YOU STILL TESTING ME?!' I keep thinking maybe it's because I seriously cannot pass. For a while I gave up with trying because I figured anything I try wasn't going to go right anyway. But then I realized something..

My parents have been my boulder so much this month. Whenever something went wrong, they were ALWAYS there for me. If someone canceled they offered themselves to go because they could see how upset I was. They were always there to talk to about how angry I was... and then they were there to laugh about how silly the situation is. 

Anyway. I'm REALLY not a mushy person at all (& since they are the only ones that really read my blog I'm sure they'll try to get me to talk about this post later and I'll avoid them haha) But I'm just really happy that whatever I go through in my sometimes obnoxious life, big or small, I'll always have them.

Until the next post, ya'll. 

PS I'm turning 21 in a month as of yesterday!! WAHOOOOO. 

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Nerdy Photo Post.

Heyooooo! 

So today I got some spectacular gadgets in the mail! 
Since I cannot afford a speedlight or a new camera at this time I decided to settle down and make do with the equipment I have. As some of you know I love browsing through the little nerdy photo items on this website called Photojojo. I found three things that I could get that would help improve my photography and keep me on a budget. 

I'm now the new owner of:
a pocket reflector
a wide/macro phone lens (ahhh!) 
& a pop up flash bounce

I took my pop up flash bounce for a quick test. 
If some of you don't know, I HATE/AM NOT GOOD AT indoor photography. It's something I really struggle with when I don't like using my flash at all. But now that I have this little piece of equipment I can bounce the right amount of light I need and make my photos look great without spending $400 on a speedlight (for now)


Here is a photo of my momma (not well in focus.. but I am trying to prove a lighting technique point so whatevs)
As you can see. It's blows her out terribly and it just doesn't look good. 
This is just a with the plain flash
                              
Now here's the picture with my flash bounce facing directly to the center..
     
here to the left...
      
& here to the right
       

Notice the difference? 
It's amazing how bouncing light can really change a picture that uses flash, dramatically.

Until the next post :)


Tuesday, July 23, 2013

A Year Ago...

A year ago, I would not have even imagined me being as content as I am now. 

A year ago, I was seriously at my lowest point and I cannot even think of a time where I was more depressed than I was then. Anyone who was around me could tell you how different I was. It was terrible. Nothing my friends or family could say or do made me feel happy.

If you ever saw me and I told you about how much fun I was having or how happy I was I was faking it so bad it was ridiculous.

I'm okay with everything that has happened and have moved on a while ago from things in my past. 


I guess just want everyone to know that I'm so happy with the state I am in now. 

Until the next post. 


Saturday, July 20, 2013

Holla for a Cover!



So.. I went to a Demi Lovato concert on Wednesday and it was absolutely incredible! She did a cover of 'Stay' by Rihanna. To be honest I never really paid too much attention to the song when it was on the radio, but when I heard Demi belt the lyrics I just fell in love with the song! (Preferably when she does it too... biased I know). 

So anyways. Here's my cover. Since.. ya know.. singing is a hobby of mine I guess. 

Oh.. and if you want to/rather listen to Demi sing it AMAZINGLY you should watch this one. 

Monday, July 15, 2013

Just a Thought

Was talking to my mom tonight about feeling promptings from the spirit. How do you know if its the spirit? Then we went onto how converts to the church always just have this amazing passion when they come to church. Full of love, stories, and craving more knowledge. 

I went on to say, well it's amazing to see a converts passion compared to someone who has been in the church for a long time. I feel sometimes for people who were raised in the church, we sometimes don't realize what we have. New members were hungering for the knowledge that we hold. They are so passionate when they join because all this new knowledge is fresh and new. They will study their scriptures & get all these spiritual enlightenments. Then I came to think of it... there's my answer to the first question my mom and I were talking about. 

Promptings become easier to spot when you're fruitfully studying your scriptures, attending church, praying, etc etc. Sometimes when we don't have that passion to thrive and learn more about Christ, promptings from the spirit may be harder to read. Once you start to hunger for more knowledge of Christ and a better relationship, that's when it becomes easier to listen to the spirit and understand what it is saying too.

Just a thought. 


Wednesday, July 3, 2013

My new desires

This site is FULL of nerdy photo gadgets!! If you love me and you wanted to get me an awesome birthday present I would not object to anything on this site.

photojojo.com

(cough cough, I would love anyone forever if I got the black Polaroid camera cough cough.. ps I have a birthday in September!)

Sunday, June 30, 2013

June's Positivity Blog

If I had to be honest, the only time I catch myself forcing myself to think positively is when I catch myself moping or having a ultra negative thought! But for the most part I've been thinking pretty positively! Even though this past month has been full of things that could seriously stomp on my positive streak I've been trying really hard to not think the worst of everything. 

A month ago I told you I had a job interview, I thought really positive on how it went and I got a job offer the next day! I was really happy with those results. So I've been a working lady for a month or so and it's been great being able to have something to do. 

I've realized that it helps being positive when you don't just think of yourself. Thinking of others instead of just how you're feeling really helps you realize how silly you may sound when you think about all the negativity in your life.

But that's about all I figured out this month... maybe a life changing moment will happen for July! 

I'm grateful for parents that help encourage me when I'm having off days & putting myself down

Until the next post :)



Saturday, May 25, 2013

May's Positivity Blog

Not going to lie. I was on a positivity high... for the first 24 hours that I decided to be more positive. I had no idea how hard it was to be more positive let alone THINK more positively when I've seriously corrupted my brain over the years with all my darn negativity. To be honest, I have a lot of work to do. But I have all the time I need to be the person I want to be :) 

I have this terrible problem with letting things GO. Small things. Big things. Any sort of thing that has some sort of importance to me. Whether it's something I did that I have a hard time forgiving myself for, or if it's something someone else did. And to be honest, lately a lot of lame things have been happening that are all lumped in the same category which gets very frustrating. It's funny because I do not understand why I would want to be in the same state for months on months. I have a hard time with moving on because I don't know what the future holds so instead I cling on to something that is in the PAST. But the thing is, it's in the PAST! There's nothing I can do about it because now it's the present and the sun will come up again tomorrow, if God is willing, so I need to teach myself how to look forward for things that are to come. 

The best part is... the more positive I am about the things that are to come, the more positive those things will be! 

I am shadowing a photographer named Jon (You should check out his stuff.. it's REALLY good HERE) this summer and I went out a shoot at the Nationals Park! That experience really gave me a glimpse of what my future will be like if I keep myself positive and stop thinking negatively about what could or could not happen after college. Here's a few pictures from my crazy fun day.



















This experience was much needed! It reminded me of how much I enjoy shooting. Granted this was my first shoot where I did not really know the people so I was very NERVOUS about whether or not I should interrupt their conversations so I could take some group shots (Hence the reason I got a lot of the back of people's heads and not too many pictures where they were actually posing for MY camera). But all and all I learned A LOT more about my camera that I didn't know before. I almost felt silly not knowing some of the stuff I didn't know, but I never felt nervous to ask. I can't wait for the next thing I tag along for.

I almost regretted coming home for the first few weeks of summer because I didn't have much to do. I didn't have anything I needed to come assist with and my friends had way later finals than me so they were not back in town yet. I was bored to tears and started breaking into old bad habits that I thought I was getting over. That began to get me more negative by the day. But, once I realized that I needed to keep myself busy to enjoy life, I started feeling alright. 

At the end of the day, my friends are back in town (who I never realize how much I miss until I reunite with them again), I got to go shoot for a full day in DC, I now have a job interview on Tuesday, and one of my closest friend's is getting married which I will be able to go to. I have a lot more positive things going on in my life than all the negative ones. 

I like to think to myself.. that ONE good positive thing can eliminate FIVE negative. Because when I'm out keeping myself busy doing the things I enjoy most, I don't even THINK about the negative things. I only think about how much I'm enjoying myself. Those are the moments I'm the happiest so why would I want to dwell on the negative? 
You just got to remember how you FEEL during those times where you are really enjoying life and KNOW that it is VERY POSSIBLE to live that way WHENEVER YOU WANT. No matter what trials you are going through... being positive heals everything.  

So if you're reading to get an update from April's positivity blog, the sum up is in the past month I've had struggles. The only thing I need to work on now is my thoughts.. because my actions depend very heavily on that. It's just a matter of making positive thoughts a habit. 

I'm grateful for the fun times I shared with my friends at Kings Dominion yesterday








Until the next post :) Stay positive! 





Monday, April 22, 2013

April's Positivity Blog

I've decided to start this new thing. I call it positive blog. 
Each month I am going to do a blog post on positive things that are going on in my life. 

I've realized that I have been the most negative Nancy for the past year and it's time for that to stop. I now have realized the reasoning behind the constant back to back negative outcomes for the past year & I'm finally saying STOP
My mom has been telling me about this documentary movie on Netflix called 'The Secret'. She would tell me to watch it every single time I would complain about how wrong my life seemed to be going. Today all she told me was "Alright, I'm going to hang up the phone now so you can watch that documentary..." and my response would be like "No wait... I have more to vent about......". She then said "Go watch it." So I was like ugh fine.. because it didn't seem like she was going to continue the conversation any further. 

I started watching this movie. I was a little skeptical at first because it seemed pretty cheesy and I was not positive if the people that were giving me a pep talk were real people who have done this, or actors. I looked up a lot of their names online while I watched and it was not fake. These people were real time/big time authors, doctors, psychologists etc. 
The movie went on to tell you about the 'secret' to how to be happy, successful, have good health, have good relationships with others, etc. The secret basically is 'The Law of Attraction'. If you send out thoughts into the universe of what you want it will inevitably happen. Done. You cannot doubt either because that only brings out negative thoughts, which brings out negative outcomes. They went on to explain that no matter what you think comes to be. For example, if you think of how much debt you're in, guess what is going to happen? More debt. The universe does not see that you 'don't' want debt. All it keeps hearing is you complaining about debt. So that's what it is giving you, because the more you put it out there, the more likely it is to happen. So say you don't want debt? Instead of saying how much you wish you weren't in debt and how you hate debt, think about getting more paychecks in the mail. You'll notice that the outcome will be more paychecks! 

Now I bet most of you think this is dumb. Trust me I did.. even when my mom explained that to me I was like 'Okay, whatever lady'. But, I'm starting to see why my life has been not so great lately! 
Anytime I would apply to get accepted into anything I tried to force my thoughts to not get it's hopes up just so I would not get hurt if I did not get accepted. Here's the thing. Saying that and putting those vibes in the universe pretty much got me there. Not accepted. & you know what? My feelings were still hurt even if my hopes weren't up. So why not just have my hopes up next time and put more positive vibes out there? I will get accepted. I will become what I want to become. 

I'm starting to see SO MUCH of my life in a different view. Positive people want to be around positive people. No one wants to be around a girl that mops and whines all the time. That's why I need to be more positive. 

So let's just say this. Use me as your guinea pig! If my life stays the same.. and nothing positive happens, then you don't have to try it for yourself. But if it does..... I'll be your new go-to real-life example : )

My Positive Thoughts:  
- I will become whatever I want to become. I want to become a professional photographer.. & and a dang good one at that!
- I will marry someone who fits all the qualities on the list I wrote down that I keep under my pillow
- Next school year will be fantastic
- The people I will meet in these upcoming months will change my life for the better

1 Thing I'm Grateful For:
My bed

I will put something that I'm grateful for after every blogpost from now on. 

& When it comes to the positive thoughts. I definitely need to work on it! After all I've been a poop for the past year... but it's never to late to start being the person I want to become.  

Until the next post :) 

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Guess I'm Bored

So this is what I'll do. 

Cool. 

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Just Let Me Cry


Just Let Me Cry
By: Hilary Weeks

I believe that everything happens for a reason
We’re not just tossed by the wind and left in the hands of fate
But sometimes life sends a storm that’s unexpected
And we’re forced to face our deepest pain.

And when I feel the heartache begin to pull me under
I dig my heels in deep and I fight to keep my ground
Still at times the hurt inside grows stronger
And there’s nothing I can do but let it out

So just let me cry
I know it’s hard to see
But the pain I feel isn’t going away today
So just let me cry
‘Til every tear has fallen
Don’t ask when and don’t ask why
Just let me cry

When I agreed that God could put this heart inside me
I understood that there would be a chance that it would break
But I know he knows exactly how I’m feeling
And I know in time he’ll take the pain away

But for now just let me cry
I know it’s hard to see
But the pain I feel isn’t going away today
So just let me cry
‘Til every tear has fallen
Don’t ask when and don’t ask why
Just let me cry

I have felt joy, the kind that makes my heart want to sing
And so my tears are not a surrender, I’ll feel that way again
But for now, for this moment

Just let me cry
I know it’s hard to see
But the pain I feel isn’t going away today
Just let me cry
Until every tear has fallen
Don’t ask when and don’t ask why
Just let me cry

I believe that everything happens for a reason


I have the biggest problem of just letting things go... I don't understand what's wrong with me. I'm a lost cause, I know. It'd be nice to know what my life is going to be like 10 years from now.. But for now just let me cry. 

Sunday, February 10, 2013

I like to sing.

Get at me. Yesterday when I was home alone for probably 3 or so hours & I figured out ways to entertain myself by taking pictures, doing nothing productive on the internet, and recording myself singing. This is a product of that. So if you don't think it's too good that's fine... since after all, I just did this to fill my boredom. 




Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Cuddle Season.

Yep that's right. It's that time of the year where people start pairing off for the winter. I like the call it the cuddle season because usually those pairings last until the snow starts to melt.

Girls saying things like "I need someone to cuddle with during these cold winter nights"
I'm guilty of saying it. After all cuddling is my fav.

I don't need a boyfriend. But I like having one when I do (minus the stress when it doesn't look like it's going to work)
It's just nice to have that one guy you get all excited to see all the time.
I get all flattered when people declare us as 'such a cute couple' since I never had something like that in high school.
I enjoy late night cuddle chats with the one person I want to get to know better most of all.
Adventures are always great.
I like being felt like I matter more than anything to that person; especially when I feel the exact same way.
I like checking my phone and knowing that my cute man left a cute message.
I don't know.. I guess in general I like to feel like I'm really special to someone I find really special. 

I would like to feel like someone would be more scared to loose me more than anything.
That's a big one.

Because I'm kind of tired of getting in relationships with guys that would just let me go so easily.

Eventually, I will have a man for these many cold winter nights that will ALWAYS be there. Not just for a season. But until mister right comes along... Holla at cho girl that conveniently has a snuggie during this cuddle season until the right man comes. 

Until the next post :)

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Really Now.. Really?

It sometimes even amazes me how my life plays out... almost annoying how some things don't ever work out.

Friday, January 4, 2013

My Portfolio Site!

Hello to my 15 or so readers (hint: If you're reading this... you should follow me!!) 
This past winter break I met professional photographer who's been helping me out with setting myself up as a photographer! 

Here's my new portfolio site that you all should check out (Yep, that's the link)
It's still a work in progress though. But that's probably where I'll be putting up future photos instead of on this blog. (Unless I decide otherwise). 

Holla at cho girl :)