Not going to lie. I was on a positivity high... for the first 24 hours that I decided to be more positive. I had no idea how hard it was to be more positive let alone THINK more positively when I've seriously corrupted my brain over the years with all my darn negativity. To be honest, I have a lot of work to do. But I have all the time I need to be the person I want to be :)
I have this terrible problem with letting things GO. Small things. Big things. Any sort of thing that has some sort of importance to me. Whether it's something I did that I have a hard time forgiving myself for, or if it's something someone else did. And to be honest, lately a lot of lame things have been happening that are all lumped in the same category which gets very frustrating. It's funny because I do not understand why I would want to be in the same state for months on months. I have a hard time with moving on because I don't know what the future holds so instead I cling on to something that is in the PAST. But the thing is, it's in the PAST! There's nothing I can do about it because now it's the present and the sun will come up again tomorrow, if God is willing, so I need to teach myself how to look forward for things that are to come.
The best part is... the more positive I am about the things that are to come, the more positive those things will be!
I am shadowing a photographer named Jon (You should check out his stuff.. it's REALLY good HERE) this summer and I went out a shoot at the Nationals Park! That experience really gave me a glimpse of what my future will be like if I keep myself positive and stop thinking negatively about what could or could not happen after college. Here's a few pictures from my crazy fun day.
This experience was much needed! It reminded me of how much I enjoy shooting. Granted this was my first shoot where I did not really know the people so I was very NERVOUS about whether or not I should interrupt their conversations so I could take some group shots (Hence the reason I got a lot of the back of people's heads and not too many pictures where they were actually posing for MY camera). But all and all I learned A LOT more about my camera that I didn't know before. I almost felt silly not knowing some of the stuff I didn't know, but I never felt nervous to ask. I can't wait for the next thing I tag along for.
I almost regretted coming home for the first few weeks of summer because I didn't have much to do. I didn't have anything I needed to come assist with and my friends had way later finals than me so they were not back in town yet. I was bored to tears and started breaking into old bad habits that I thought I was getting over. That began to get me more negative by the day. But, once I realized that I needed to keep myself busy to enjoy life, I started feeling alright.
At the end of the day, my friends are back in town (who I never realize how much I miss until I reunite with them again), I got to go shoot for a full day in DC, I now have a job interview on Tuesday, and one of my closest friend's is getting married which I will be able to go to. I have a lot more positive things going on in my life than all the negative ones.
I like to think to myself.. that ONE good positive thing can eliminate FIVE negative. Because when I'm out keeping myself busy doing the things I enjoy most, I don't even THINK about the negative things. I only think about how much I'm enjoying myself. Those are the moments I'm the happiest so why would I want to dwell on the negative?
You just got to remember how you FEEL during those times where you are really enjoying life and KNOW that it is VERY POSSIBLE to live that way WHENEVER YOU WANT. No matter what trials you are going through... being positive heals everything.
So if you're reading to get an update from April's positivity blog, the sum up is in the past month I've had struggles. The only thing I need to work on now is my thoughts.. because my actions depend very heavily on that. It's just a matter of making positive thoughts a habit.
I'm grateful for the fun times I shared with my friends at Kings Dominion yesterday
Until the next post :) Stay positive!