This is a personal post.. but felt like sharing
I've been thinking a lot lately about Christ.
I feel like I can be selfish and ungrateful. I feel like there are times in my life where I feel like I don't need help from my Savior.
I feel emptiness, anger, sadness, heartbreak almost on a weekly basis. Not intensely.. but it happens. I also feel joy, excitement and happiness weekly as well. There is a balance as weeks go on what I am feeling.
I also get frustrated with, not myself, but with God. It comes with my lack of trust in men in general. That probably is the reason for my lack in close friends that are men. Sometimes there are times where I literally feel God's presence... then I feel like he disappears for weeks on end and I don't get anything to the point where I'm crying for attention. I've seen the same trend in earthly men so it makes me generalize in a way that I shouldn't.
There has been one area in my life where the atonement is something I NEED. It is something everyone needs.. but I have been really struggling to use it. Maybe out of fear of disappointment... maybe because of my trust issues.
But today when I was walking with a friend.. and she was venting out all her anger to me.. this is how our conversation went:
Her: "I'm just so angry right now.. Let's go talk about Christ, I love Christ"
Me: "Well you don't have to feel sad or angry... just give all your burdens to Him, that's what he's there for. Just give all those feelings to Him. Let Him take them away. " At least that's what I hear... I haven't actually tried it myself.
I don't know a lot of things I probably should know as a Mormon. I may not understand how the atonement works completely.. but what I do know is that it HEALS. I heard so many testimonies today about it.
I don't have to feel sadness, or emptiness, or anger, or heartbreak. Because I know he's there to take those feelings away.
For once in my life I just need to TRUST. He will fix me. He will HEAL me. He will UNDERSTAND me. I need to fall into his arms and have faith and today is the day I'm going to use the atonement more in my life. Not SAY that I am going to but actually going to.
It's funny.. because as I am writing this.. I feel my chest burning, so I feel His presence right now and I NEVER want to forget that feeling.
Whoever is reading this, do it with me. Use the atonement in your life. Even if you don't fully understand how it works, I'm sure we'll find out together.
Until the next post.