Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Just Stop & Think Before You Talk.

This is kind of a touchy subject type of post... I wrote this at some point a few months ago but was too scared to post it and just saved it as a draft. But, when I re-read it I decided to share. 

This post isn't really something I would normally talk about in anything like a blog, but it's getting to a point where I feel like there are some people that really irritate me and I need to get this off my chest. 

I cannot stand it when someone says stupid things like 'you're barely black'. 

... Please enlighten me. How am I barely black when my mother is African American...?

Is it because I don't 'talk black'?
Is it because I don't have 'black hair'?
Is it because I'm pretty light skinned for being black?

I'm just really trying to understand your train of thought...because you definitely don't categorize me as a 'white girl'.

Another thing that bothers me SO much is the term 'jungle fever'

I heard it said towards me and a person I was dating, a long while back, a few times. It even brought me to tears once.
I don't find that term funny. Not even a little. As a matter of fact I have never even heard that term until I lived in Utah. Is it some sort of joke to date someone of a different ethnicity? Why is it that when someone finds a guy or a girl that is black attractive they are like 'Oh man... JUNGLE FEVER. Hahaha!" Why? Why though? What's wrong with finding someone of a different ethnicity attractive? I don't see the need to cover it up with a ratchet excuse. You best believe if a person I'm dating ever says that to me while we're dating, I'll be dumping that person within 5 seconds after that comment because I don't need that close mindedness in my life. 

You may be reading this thinking like 'come on it's just a joke'. Well I don't hear a term like that when someone likes white guys/girls... or hispanic guys/girls.. etc. I don't know about you... but it kind of hits hard at home to think someone thinks that liking me is just a 'phase' or a 'fever'. I'm mixed. So no matter WHO I date, black, white, latino, asian etc, we're GOING to be a mixed couple. So you might as well shove that term up your.....Anyways. 

I can't stand it when the only time someone feels like a story is relevant to me is because there was a black person in it. If you think about starting a story like this: "Oh Caitlin, you'd like this story, he's black" this is you. Don't get me wrong, I love hearing stories. I just don't like it when you're the type of person that doesn't tell me jack unless something funny happened during the day that includes a black person. Cool. I'm glad that's the only time you feel like you can have a conversation with me.  

I do admit, when I'm hanging out with the majority of my white friends I do emphasize the fact that I'm black. But, at the same time, when I'm hanging out with my black friends I emphasize the fact that I'm white. So maybe me saying things like 'Oh it's because I'm black so I don't do that' or 'That's my white side kicking in' may give you the confidence the call me out on what you think I am, more than the other. To be honest, the times I emphasize my ethnicity is when there is someone I don't know very well around and they are to scared to ask me what I am. But I'm both. I'm not just the black girl or the white girl. I'm both. 

I'm not trying to attack anyone directly... I'm just letting you know what I've noticed in my 21 years of life that I'm not a huge fan of. I guess this really just goes out to random people that don't really know me and think they do once they realize I'm black when they snap their neck and are like 'guuuuuuurrrrrlllll' after I say 'girl'I'm black AND white. I'm not just barely one and more of the other. I am two different cultures. I'm not going to sit hear a pretend like I'm more of one race than another because that's not true. So stop telling me what you think of me as. Because I am what I am..  I love every part of my diverse self and wouldn't switch it for anything.