If you didn't live with me and just hung out with me for the day you would think my life is going pretty well! That everything isn't perfect, but going pretty good! But you would be wrong...
Don't get me wrong. For the most part my life is going good! But there are just those moments where I think to myself "What if?" and boom my average mood drops down to miserable. I hate going every single day thinking about everything that happened. It sucks.
One night after a little tear up session I had in my room, my sister walked in, shoved a piece of paper in my face, and said "Here. Write down all the things that make you happy. You need to use the whole sheet too"
At first I was hesitant and was like "Oh gosh... Meredith is going YW leader on me." But as soon as I started writing I got on a role... and it made me feel better and realize something at the end of it all.
Things That Make Caitlin Happy
-When the weather is 85 degrees, sunny, and no humidity
-Random adventures with funny people
-When I take a really good photo & others think it's good too
-When people think I can sing
-Falling asleep right away
-Friends that are always there; not just sporadically
-Being able to sleep in after a long day
-Getting random texts from old friends that let you know they're thinking about you
-Hugs (the sincere ones, not the awkward ones)
-Knowing that someone I find important to me finds me important to them too
-Getting good grades
-People that notice I'm mixed right off the bat
-Knowing that I'm loved by someone
-When someone genuinely misses me
...And that's where I stopped. Believe it or not, that filled the front sheet. It was also one in morning when I wrote this so I was pretty tired and the last thing isn't really poetic. But, those are just a few things that make me happy.
I just need to realize that life will go on. I can either tear up every time or just live it. Maybe this wasn't how I expected to spend my summer... but oh well...C'est la vie.
One last thought. Isn't it sad to talk to someone that makes it clear they don't have any intention to keep the conversation going or want to talk to you? Especially when conversations used to last longer, for days, and didn't feel like you were talking to an long lost relative or something that only engages in small talk? Oh well. Life goes on. I won't make the effort if it isn't reciprocated.