Pepper.

If we're friends, you have more than likely heard me talk about/met my dog Pepper. You would also know that usually the first thing I would tell people, to describe him, is that he's blind and wears a diaper. He wasn't always that way though. He has diabetes. Now, for a normal dog that has diabetes, they wouldn't live for longer than a year with it, once diagnosed. But the thing is, my dog is the exception to the rule. He wasn't a normal dog to begin with so he lived for a lot longer than the norm. But today was the day it was decided that it was time to let go.

A lot of people told me, that when a dog really loves you... they keep holding on to that little string of life. They aren't ready to let go until you are. Pepper held on for two years longer than a normal dog with diabetes. Today was the day though....that we had to let him go.

I'm glad I came home to spend time with Pepper before he past. I've had him since I was in the 4th grade. I remember the day we brought him home was so awkward. He would just look at Meredith and I like "Who are these people". I remember I started playing 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' on my violin and he started howling to it while I played. The whole fam thought it was the cutest thing in the world. I remember when we got one of the old christmas music boxes from the basement, that was in storage, and played it for him so he could fall asleep. I remember I started calling him 'BaeBaeBee' and 'Baby' instead of Pepper. I remember my mom bringing him into my elementary school to show the librarians (she used to volunteer there when I went there) and they thought he was just the cutest puppy. I remember once I sat in my room with a 'Childrens Hymn' book and sang all the songs I knew in it and Pepper fell asleep on my bed to my singing. I remember how I would snuggle with him in my bed, even though he never really was the snuggling type (he'd always want to jump out after a few minutes of snuggling)I remember his favorite toy was this duck and when you squeezed it, it would quack. We had two of the same toy (originally it was an easter gift for Meredith and I) but we gave one to Pepper and he loved it. When it got really old and yucky though, we had to throw it out. We begged mom to let Pepper have the other duck, but for some reason she wouldn't let him have it. In the mean time Mer and I would quack the same quacking noise the toy would make to get him excited. It wasn't until he started to go blind that I found the second, untouched, un-slobbered on, toy hidden in mom's closet and gave it to him. When it quacked he knew exactly what it was.

I remember all those times he would bark and everything and everyone outside when I walked him. I remember, once, when mom wasn't home, my sister and I started howling until he would howl with us (we took advantage of this moment because lord knows mom would have told us to shut up if she were home). I remember whenever a firetruck drove by he would howl along with it. I remember how he would always stare at out the front window and there was always a nose mark from where he was. When we had our old car Willy, he could hear it from the house and was there at the front door when we got home. I remember how he was pretty much our alarm system. He would bark when someone he didn't know was around & when the doorbell rang.

I remember how every time I had friends over, he would want their attention more than anything. So he would always be howling in the background of random videos I made with my friends in high school. I never had a friend that met him say anything bad about him though (believe me, I have friends that would tell me my dog is insane if he was).

I remember how in high school I used him so much for photography because he had such a great profile.

I remember how he wasn't what I would call the most obedient dog (especially most recently)... but I loved him unconditionally none the less.

I remember one Christmas, how he fell in love with our Christmas doormate. We kept it out for the rest of the year and on because he loved laying on it so much

I remember how during my senior year of high school, when I let him outside in the backyard, he started drinking the water from the rain off the porch. That's when we found out he had diabetes. Turns out, most all Schnauzers get diabetes.  I remember the first time we noticed he was loosing eye sight, when we threw a piece of food on the ground and he was looking all over for it, but couldn't find it. He had even stepped right over it. I remember how every time I came home from school was was getting more blind, more skinny, and slower.  I could go on forever with memories too... but I think I'll stop there.

It was hard to see how my peppy pup was now not so peppy this summer... It's even hard not to see him in the house at all. All day, he's all I could think about. It was hard to walk downstairs and not hear his clicking paws on the kitchen floor. It was hard seeing the place where his crate used to be, no longer there. It was hard seeing all his toys but not him. When I went downstairs to grab something from the back room and I was expecting to see Pepper jump up from me turning on the lights... but he wasn't there.

My heart hurts. I loved and will forever love this dog of mine. He probably won't be my last dog, but he'll always have a special place in my heart as my first dog.
I love you BaeBaeBee.
Rest in Peace. September 15, 2001-August 1,2012