September's Positivity Blog/My Week Detox

So. 

Let me get straight to it and say... deactivating my Facebook for the past week has been absolutely fantastic. I honestly was thinking about going for longer.

Before I start I just want to say that Facebook is not a bad thing. Or any social network, really. Just a person using it the wrong way makes it not too great. 

Honestly, me being curious was not the reason I reactivated it, instead of going longer. It was my love for free music on Spotify (which can only be accessed with a ACTIVE Facebook account). That and I went on a photo shoot and wanted to upload some pictures...... guilty. 

Here's basically how my week went:
Saturday - going through major withdrawls
Sunday - some withdrawls
M,T,W,TH,F - didn't even mind 

It was weird! By the end of the week I did not even want to reactivate. I honestly will probably be deactivating in the next few days again to try not getting on Facebook for even longer and see how my life goes... because honestly, I have not been thrilled having it back. I spend way too much time on that stupid thing.

Let's be honest, I think I really need to think about who's actually there for me and who really doesn't care. I need to differentiate between who are my REAL friends and who are just the people that belong in my unreal virtual world. If that means going on another purge to get rid of the people that I really don't even talk to and probably never will again then I'll do just that. 

Honestly, the phrase 'out of sight, out of mind' really does apply to me. 

Anyways. This test to see if my happiness level changed was a success and I probably would have been even more happy if I had held up longer.... So I just know that to live a happy life I need to stop comparing my happiness level to others. I need to stop wishing I was more fun, more photogenic, more smart, more spontaneous etc. I need to be happy with the friends I have and how I choose to spend my few college years with them. I don't want to remember these days as weekends spend creeping on Facebook. 

Things I did this week instead of wasting time on FB:

Railroad track photo shoot

Went with roommate to find weeds in the rain

Sister Dalton at Religion in Life

Made a delicious Chicken White Rice and Bacon Soup

5th wheeled a Aggie Baseball game! 

Had a campfire at Tony's Grove

Got pranked. Moved the fridge from the living room back to the kitchen

& More photo shoot fun :)

Until the next post

Facebook is Seriously Ruining Me

This is going to be the most hypocritical post I've ever done because I am the definition of a FB junkie/addict.

But I just wanted to post about how FB, Twitter, Instagram, etc; is seriously making us more depressed than happy. 
How is it that we can spend countless hours on these social networks instead of actually going out and having REAL social interactions with people? 

We are seriously living in such a virtual world it's ridiculous. People are meeting people in this world, not in person anymore, oh no, that'd be too easy, but in this unreal world of FB, Twitter, and Instagram! Instead of actually calling people to check up on their lives at a more personal level we decide to go do that from the comfort of our bedrooms on our laptops or while we're waiting in line at the taco stand from our phones because we have that good 'ol Facebook app. We are living in this virtual world where we don't actually have to talk to people in order to know what's going on in their lives and it's driving me insane. 

I feel like nowadays people have to always update us on how in love they are or how exciting their weekend was to prove that they are actually living life. But something came to me yesterday. If you are actually enjoying life and living it, why do you feel the need to have to prove it on Instagram or Facebook. If your significant other really does know how much you love them why post it on FB? Things like that, to me, should be private and more special... not flaunted all around to a point where it drives everyone else insane. 

My least favorite line on FB or Insta "So in love with this xyz! One month down, eternity to go!" ...... Shahhhht uuuup. We get it you're still in love after one month, and I'm truly happy that you are because if you weren't after one month I'd be really worried about the rest of eternity. Maybe instead, do that line after 25 years of marriage.. that seems like more of a success and something worth bragging about to me.  

& is it just me or do I feel like people are trying hard to one-up how exciting their lives are and use FB and Instagram as their way to do just that? I know I purposefully go and do something to make my life seem more interesting than it normally is. How lame is that. 

Honestly, my parents were even talking to me about this, Facebook and all these other social networks do nothing but force us to compare how well our lives are going to others. I'm seriously so tired of logging on and seeing 'Aw she's engaged after 2 months awesome! What am I doing wrong?!' or 'Aw he spent his Saturday helping the elderly? Cool. He's such a great person and I've just been sitting here on FB or checking my Instagram every 2 hours'. It does nothing but make me feel inadequate and not exciting even when I do post 50 pictures from my week. 

We live in a virtual world where instead of having real social interactions, we avoid them. 

I'm going to delete my Facebook account for one week and compare my happiness level to how it is today. & let me tell you I've had so many excuses of why I shouldn't delete it that went along the lines of "Oh man, what if someone wants to add me this week and can't find me!" Or "What if something really exciting happens in someones life and I miss it!" Do you see how sad that is? I have an idea Caitlin, why don't you just shoot them a text or a phone call to get updates and actually talk to them. That's the way it used to be done. And if someone wants to 'add me' to just creep on my pictures and never EVER talk to me than that's not really missing out on that much I feel. 

How sad is it that this is so hard for me to do since I've become such an addict towards it. But I really need to try. So if you need me. Shoot me a text. If you don't have my number... we probably weren't that tight anyway. 

9/11

It's been 12 years. 
& I have never actually written down my personal experience on that day other than something I wrote in my journal when I was 9. 

12 years ago today, only 9 days after I had just turned 9, I was in my 4th grade class doing a writing assignment. My principle comes on the intercom and announces that there was going to be an early release in school that day and to please not turn on any TV's. As kids, our initial reaction was 'School's out early?! Sweet!'. It didn't take long to realize how serious the situation really was. I remember my classmates being called out one by one by a person from the main office telling them that their parents were there early to get them. I was starting to get worried. I was hoping that my mom heard that school was getting out early and that she would hopefully be there to get me too. When almost half the class had already left because their parents came, my mom finally came and got me. I remember grabbing my Winnie the Pooh and Tiger lunch box and leaving my class to find my mom looking worried. I asked her what was going on and as she was walking she told me that two planes crashed into the World Trade Center. I had absolutely no idea what that was. We walked out of the school and I remember looking up at the sky... it was so blue. Just like the sky in New York. As I looked up I saw two army jet planes fly over the school. I got really scared when I saw that. Back then I had no idea where they were going, but now I know they were probably headed to DC because of the Pentagon.  

I remember getting home and I can't remember if my dad was already there or if he got home a little after me but I do have a clear memory of him sitting there watching the TV and me asking him if he were happy or sad. Now, before you think I was a dumb 9 year old asking a stupid question, I need to tell you why I asked. For some reason I used to ask my dad if he were happy or sad random times. I don't know why I did.. I think I did it because it made me happy to know everything was alright. The thing about my dad though, he would ALWAYS answer 'I'M HAPPY! :)' every single time. Now, because I saw how concerned he was, it got me really worried. Everything I saw happening on the TV was scaring me a lot. So I asked him that because his normal answer was 'I'M HAPPY' which would mean everything was alright. For the first time ever, my dad said in a  very serious voice almost a little of a yell 'No, I'm not happy! All these innocent people are loosing their lives!'. That hit me VERY hard that day. For the first time I realized how serious the situation was and how the world isn't always going to be a good/and happy place. 

I remember running down to the basement after he said that and turning on the TV down there. Every. Single. Channel had the towers on it. Replaying the crash and the fall. I finally found the ONE channel that wasn't playing it and it was PBS kids. I stayed down their until the early evening. 

I remember our phone ringing a lot that day from family making sure my dad was alright because they knew how he worked in DC. I remember being absolutely terrified for the next week or so if I ever heard a plane flying over the house. 

Till this day, I really have been scared of flying.. and 9/11 is a pretty big chunk of why I am. 

I remember when I went to NYC when I was 13 or my uncle was in the taxi cab with us and he wanted us to drive by Ground Zero. I had no desire to go there at all. The memory of it all just freaked me out. We did drive by it and I felt very sad. 

Finally, this past summer I went to NYC. It was spur of the moment for me because I wasn't sure if I wanted to do a day trip. My sister's friend Matt who was visiting really wanted to go though, and he also really wanted to see the new 9/11 memorial. I wasn't really gun ho about going... because like many other people, that day really effected me. Especially being so young. But in my head I thought about how I should since I was there. So we got tickets online and went. 

When we got off the subway, it was right in front of that church that did not fall that day. I remember seeing that church in pictures but now I was standing in front of it. I turned to my right and looked up imagining what those two towers must have looked like. We then found the memorial entrance, went through security, then proceeded to walk into the memorial. 

That memorial is one of the most beautifully designed memorials I have ever seen. I remember just looking and thinking of what it must of been like. I kept looking up and imagining the towers. 

When I saw 'One World Trade Center' it reminded me of how at the end of the day, we are one nation and in horrifying times like this we can come together and start anew.. never forgetting our past. 

It's hard to believe it's been twelve years since that terrifying day. But now that I'm 21, and faced my fear to go to that spot where those innocent lives were lost, I can look back and truly understand, respect, and honor those people whose names were written on that memorial that lost their lives that day. It's crazy to think that there were some children there at the memorial who weren't even alive when this happened. But it is still something everyone needs to remember and never forget. 

God Bless. 

August's Positivity Blog

I was actually going to stop doing these blog posts... I was sick of it because I didn't feel like anything was changing (positive I know). But, then I realized these posts are the only real thing that I feel like is going on consistently in my life.. 

This school year is going to be a very big adjustment. That's the easiest way of putting it.

Let's just say I never imagined my senior year of college playing out this way AT ALL. But hey. 

I've realized what helps keep me more positive! One thing I noticed is that if something is out of sight, it is out of mind for me. I'm more happy and obnoxious when I'm not giving myself constant updates on everyone elses wonderful lives. 

One thing I noticed is I think Facebook really makes people more sad that happy. My dad told me that's what he read somewhere at least. I can see it too. The more I compare my life to others, the more I get negative. That needs to stop. 

Oh. One last thing. I've never felt more peaceful than when I was sitting in front of the temple last night. The night was perfect. I felt so much peace literally just sitting outside of the building. I didn't want to leave because I felt like I was home when home is really far away for me. 

Anyways.. 

Until the next post, as always.